Do You Turn Your Child’s Happiness Into Your Own?
Nobody doubts that having a child is one of the most wonderful experiences a mother can have, not to mention the best of her life. Now, this does not mean that the mother’s entire existence has to revolve around her descendant until the child’s happiness is confused with her own happiness.
Although a child is important in your life, although their happiness and well-being is your first concern, although you should devote almost every minute of your day to taking care of your little one, you are still you, and he is him.
What happens when a mother bases her entire life on a child’s happiness and well-being? This can cause serious psychological problems for both of you. As it will not only affect the mother, the child can also get involved.
Don’t confuse your own happiness with the child’s
It may be difficult for a mother to hear this, but your little one is not you. From the same day he starts to take shape, he is a child who will have his own body, his personality and his unique and differentiated way of seeing the world.
Although both will share genes, education and similarities, each person is different and this must be respected. We are all unique. What is pleasing to me may not be to you. Therefore, every mother must have these concepts clear. Otherwise, the problem could become more serious.
over-dependence
If a mother who loves her child to excess overprotects him, she is actually not doing him any favors. These children learn to depend on their parents for everything. Thus, they do not have autonomy and take longer to develop psychologically.
An overprotected child is generally less responsible, much more abused and demanding and, above all, extremely unsure of himself. It may look good while she’s still little, but as she develops and needs to socialize, this aspect will affect her a lot.
It’s your life?
And you, you have no life? Don’t forget that a mother, however much time she can devote to her child, however much she loves him and however much she wants his happiness, still has a life. Couple, family, friends, other children… whatever your situation, you must not leave your social world behind.
In this sense, it is good to take care of those around you, as they will take care of you too. Also, it allows you to have some rest and enjoy some time to yourself. Although you don’t believe and dream of being with your child every second, during moments of rest you can reflect on your dreams, on how to raise the child, what to do to protect them, receive advice…
Also, you must not forget that one day your child will leave the house, because he will grow up. Imagine that you have been so devoted to him that now your whole world is his happiness. When you’re alone, how do you think you’re going to handle it?
dissatisfaction
Another big problem with turning our own happiness into the child’s happiness is the dissatisfaction it can cause. Although unconsciously, our frustrations, our dreams and our hopes can end up being projected onto the child.
As we said at the beginning of the article, each person is a world and your child, although similar, is different from you. It is important that he is independent, that he has his own dreams and goals and that he feels free to choose.
You must be their guide, their anchor to reality and their companion. But your dreams are yours, not his. Your disappointments are yours, not his. He is the sole owner of your life, and he must discover it little by little according to his criteria, with your help and your advice, not trying to get him to do what you can’t do one day, especially if he doesn’t he wants.
It is important that all mothers and all fathers accept their children as they are, not as they would like them to be. They are wonderful beings who will love us without fuss or fuss. But it’s not us. This is a detail that we have to be clear about. What makes me happy, maybe not him. My happiness will not always be his.
Present him a beautiful world to live in, help him to be independent, kind and critical. But don’t focus your whole life and the meaning of your existence on him, he doesn’t deserve that responsibility. You must embrace their happiness. Each one with their unique way of being, accepting different personalities and understanding that we can all live in a beautiful place of understanding and complicity.
