Core Family Language
The core family language is the one we use to communicate with our children and family members with whom we live.
This type of language is of great importance in the daily life of each member of the family nucleus. It determines, to a large extent, the kind of relationships children have in the present and will have in the future.
Why is core family language important?
If a parent calls their child “silly”, “crying”, “nerd” or “silly”, among other names, this action becomes a form of abuse. It doesn’t matter if it was a mistake or if it has already become a custom . This contempt is completely unnecessary and, moreover, fruitless.
The same thing happens if, when we communicate with our partner or our partner, in front of our children, we constantly use contempt . Even when you’re both laughing, it’s not healthy for you to insult each other.
Interpersonal relationships are shaken when these degrading adjectives are used: “stupid”, “stupid”, “idiot”, “lazy” and the like, regardless of the tone and the final message. While it may seem like a minor issue, it actually has a huge impact on everyone’s emotional health.
The quality of the language of the family
Let’s take a moment and think: Is it really necessary to belittle children whenever we address them? What is the contribution of calling the little ones in one way or another to demean or depreciate them? In addition to the shame and emotional pain it causes, contempt is not an adequate teaching strategy.
Verbal punishment does not bring real results or improvements to our lives. On the contrary, it only manages to spread fear, deepen insecurities and open a gap in relationships early on. And even if this may not be readily apparent at first glance, it most certainly does.
Familiar language should not be based on insults. Not even “for fun”. It must be based on affection and all those positive aspects that we human beings are capable of expressing . Nobody is born knowing and we all need affection. Especially when we are corrected or guided in something that is difficult for us.
Words with double meanings like “little devil” or “fret” carry an implicit type of message that is unconsciously sent to children. On the one hand, they are reprimanded and, on the other hand, an attempt is made to soften the reproof, through the diminutive, for example.
Derogatory language does not add
Depreciation should not become a methodology for raising children, much less a lifestyle. Of course, human beings are not perfect. And it’s obvious that emotions can be difficult to deal with in certain situations. However, we are perfectible beings. That is, beings that can be improved for the common good.
Derogatory language can make unfavorable situations worse. Therefore, it does not add anything. It promotes insult, prejudice, discrimination, rivalries and offenses in general.
If children acquire a vocabulary derived from this type of language, they will certainly have problems in the environment in which they live and will act inappropriately, which will generate deficient relationships.
In these cases, the important thing is to know how to correct them in time and, above all, to set a good example. It is no use fighting the child for using a derogatory word or a negative expression when we also use them in the presence of the little ones. We need to be consistent with our actions.
Tips for making good use of the language of the family
First, the ideal is to avoid misusing the language of the family. Insults, threats and any other form of punishment or verbal abuse must not be used.
However, if such an episode has already happened and we want to correct it, the most appropriate thing is to apply and continue practicing the following strategies.
Of course, if they are too difficult to apply in your home or if they don’t work, it is necessary to consult a family psychologist or psychotherapist. Both professionals will be able to guide you through the process, indicate which are the appropriate tools and how they should be applied to achieve the desired goals.
To make good use of the language of the family, it is necessary to:
- Eliminate insults and derogatory words immediately. With our partner or our partner, with our children, with relatives and with everyone. Whenever we feel the urge to say any of these words, we should stop for a moment and think about the consequences that this way of expressing ourselves can bring.
- Learn to breathe deeply before speaking. This is not a cliché phrase, but a powerful strategy that we can learn to use in our daily lives.
- Try to replace expressions of abuse with expressions of affection. We don’t need to be the stickiest parents, but we should get used to expressing positive emotions and feelings more, as they are beneficial for everyone.
- Remember that if we have used negative core family language , in the future our children will not have a good image of us as parents and will distance themselves in one way or another.
- Knowing how to recognize their own failures, take responsibility and apologize whenever necessary. In this way, we will begin to create a healthier environment for ourselves and for the people we live with.
Remember that it is very important to know how to make good use of the language of the family. Not just so that your kids have a good interpersonal relationship reference. But also so that they have real well-being from an early age. This will allow them to grow and develop in a healthy way.
