The Couple’s Separation: How Does Each Of Its Stages Affect Us?
One of the most traumatic situations that a human being can go through is the separation of a couple. When this happens, our brains experience high levels of stress and sometimes even physical pain.
This has been proven by several studies that have looked at how the brain behaves in this situation. So it’s no surprise that it profoundly affects our lives.
Why does the couple’s separation affect us so much?
When we form a family, we are creating the most intimate relationship that can exist. Between all family members, values, customs and beliefs are transmitted, and that is where we build our identity.
It is on this that our self-esteem, our behavior patterns and the way we will relate to others are based. The family provides us with an idea of physical and emotional security in the face of changes in life.
Thus, when there is a separation, very deep issues are touched that shake the foundations of each of the members that make up this nucleus.
Each of those involved may have different experiences in the face of this rupture and they are all valid:
- There are those who experience a feeling of hopelessness when they see that they have not achieved what they intended.
- Others interpret the break as a failure.
- Low self-esteem is very common and leads to feelings of guilt and reflection about our lives.
- Even when living in a freer way, the symptoms of grief appear due to changes that occur in the family.
The stages of grief in a couple’s separation
Psychologists agree that breakups are experienced as grief at all stages, and that the duration of each one depends on each person and the tools they have to deal with them. But do you know what these stages are?
1. Denial
As the name suggests, it is about denying reality and thinking that everything will be the same or better than before. The impact is so great that we tend to protect ourselves, that’s why we generate that feeling. It’s important to be aware of what it is, live it and let it go without clinging to it or judging it.
2. Anger
Then there is irritation, the anger projected towards the person who has ended the relationship. So we go from not wanting to see what’s happening to blaming the other person for everything that happened. There are also those who can blame themselves. The desire for revenge is frequent.
3. Negotiation
At this stage, we try to understand the other, accept what happened and get closer again. If this is not managed well, there is a risk of believing that there can be a reconciliation, making things even worse.
4. Depression
While it may not seem like it, this is where the work really begins. The person accepts that there is no going back and that’s when sadness takes over. She may feel worse than before, but she is finally realizing that their relationship is over and, sooner or later, it will lead to her getting back to her life.
5. Acceptance
Little by little, the sadness goes away and the feeling that there is a future beyond this separation becomes more and more real. We have the will to live again; but also to meet new people and even to reconnect with a new partner.
Some sequels that the couple’s separation can leave us
As you can see, a separation greatly affects our mental, emotional and even physical health, and therefore some consequences may arise.
- Depression. Although it is one of the natural and healthy stages of grief, it is common for many people to get stuck in it and not know how to get out of this cycle of sadness, increasingly isolating themselves and turning this stage into something chronic.
- Anxiety. Fear of an uncertain future causes anxiety to appear, sometimes accompanied by an inability to sleep.
- Posttraumatic stress disorder. When separations are somehow violent, this disorder can occur, especially when there was abuse.
- Low self esteem. Loss makes us feel hopeless, guilt sets in and from there we are only one step away from losing self-esteem.
A couple’s separation is a difficult situation to face, but not impossible, especially if you have the help you need to do it. If you identify any of these symptoms, look for a specialist who can advise you to get out of this situation and build a new life.
