How To Solve Parental Communication Problems
Communication problems that can arise from a conflict of understanding between parents can cause serious issues for the family. The relationship between parents deteriorates and children feel insecure because they cannot trust their parents enough.
This has nothing to do with one parent standing next to the other. Sometimes it has to do with one parent not validating the other in front of the kids.
Even if they do not agree with something in particular, it is necessary that the parents support each other and, if there are later differences in the education of their children, they must speak in private, without the presence of the children.
When there is a lack of communication support
When a parent does not support the other or does not support the other in certain circumstances, it is normal for him to be seen by his children as “the bad one”, “the weak one”, etc.
Poor communication between parents is not just a matter of fighting in front of the kids. Most of the time, it includes subtle behaviors or communication “styles” that send a harmful message.
Many parents have difficulty dealing with the problem because they don’t know how to express their discomfort in words. Parents often have the “feeling” that they are not in a cooperative situation, but cannot see the pattern clearly.
Types of Communication That Can Cause Problems
There are some types of communication and parenting behaviors that can cause problems. Some of these types need to be taken into account as parents will be able to identify whether this is really happening to them or not. Some of these types of communication that can cause problems are as follows:
the card player
In a card game, the player who has one card wins and beats all the others. In parenting, this person will always want to be right in parenting or facing a disciplinary situation from the other parent. Sometimes this is done when the other person becomes the new authority figure in the conversation, yelling or imposing punishment.
In other situations, the winning player may claim that the other parent is an infant or may “demote” the other parent to the status of a child. It is important for parents to show agreement during a disciplinary situation, but that parent will undermine the other parent’s position of strength.
the false security
From the mistaken feeling that the other parent is causing the child emotional distress, false security will provide some kind of relief during a difficult situation. Parents can also sneak in other ways.
For example, allowing a child to use the computer when it had been temporarily prohibited or giving the child attention and comfort in the middle of a tantrum. Dealing with true false security is to reduce one’s own feelings of discomfort and anxiety about the child’s situation.
country analyzer
The parent profiler will have private conversations with the children about the other parent, either complaining directly about the other parent or in less obvious ways. A common phrase is: “It’s also hard for me when he’s in a bad mood” .
This parenting style prevents one parent from having to deal directly with the other parent about communication or nuisance behavior. In situations where truly dangerous parenting behavior exists, the profiler will communicate in this way with the child, rather than taking the scary step of thinking about leaving the situation.
alienator
This type of communication involves bringing others in the family together to speak out against a parent who is trying to assert authority or parenting status. At the dinner table, an alienator may prompt the child to disagree with the other parent’s point of view.
Sometimes the alienator subtly encourages all children to take sides against the other parent. Since the alienator is usually in a position to relieve authority in the situation, children will naturally become alienated from that parent. It is critical to resolve these issues before it is too late.
Solve parental communication problems
It is almost impossible to resolve a parent communication problem during a parenting situation. Attempting to confront the error in parenting often ends up in an argument or a premature end to resolving the situation with the child.
As families grow, everything becomes even more complex if communication issues are not resolved. These simple tips can help parents get on the path of communication and shared parenting:
- Review the essentials in advance. Compare lists of which child behaviors are “unacceptable” and which deserve a lighter consequence. Each parent must balance negative and positive consequences, using them together.
- Don’t play the “bad guy”, no one should. Neither parent should play the role of the “bad guy” in the family, even if this is the most comfortable role for him. Do not triangulate unless requested by the other parent. “Triangular” means jumping into the middle of a conflict a parent and child are having, without being asked. You may feel that you have a better set of tools to deal with the situation, but that undermines the other parent’s ability to resolve a problem to the end.
About communication problems, don’t forget…
- If you disagree, openly acknowledge respect for the other parent’s opinion. Open disagreement between parents is not bad parenting and, if done right, can help children shape how disagreements should be handled.
- Assign important consequences after discussing them. There is no rule that parents cannot take the time to discuss a consequence for a child’s behavior before assigning it. Talk for a few minutes to agree on an appropriate consequence and, most importantly, how to encourage your child to change his behavior next time.
- Avoiding harmful misunderstandings and presenting a unified front leads to a better outcome for children. Achieving this quality of communication with your partner is a goal that takes effort. It also takes courage to change and an understanding that you have something to gain rather than lose if you succeed.
