How To Help Your Child Develop Self-esteem
Self-esteem is how a person thinks about themselves. This means that with a high self-esteem we are able to see ourselves as capable, good and sure of our worth. On the other hand, when there is low self-esteem it means that we don’t see ourselves as worth enough, we think we’re not good enough and we feel insecure.
All parents want their children to like and respect themselves, because that way they can grow up as safe and happy people. However, some parents are also concerned about whether their children have too low or too high self-esteem.
But the truth is that finding yourself too good, too capable, or too valuable is as negative as always looking down on yourself. The key is to find the balance.
Self-esteem in children
There is some concern among parents for both high and low self-esteem, but different aspects need to be paid attention to.
It is possible that as a parent you see in children a very “inflamed” self-esteem in relation to your own abilities or perhaps you think that you are better than other people. When this happens, it is not high self-esteem that appears, it is low self-esteem that is camouflaged, it is a feeling of grandeur caused by great insecurity.
Low self-esteem can sometimes be expressed as self-critical behavior, but it is usually expressed through arrogance or the need to believe that we are better than others. This is a defense against the deep fear of believing that we are not good enough, that others will criticize us, or that others are better.
On the other hand, people with high self-esteem are quite secure and know they have a great value, and the best part is that they are people (in this case children) who don’t need to compare themselves with others in order to improve their skills. The good concept they have of themselves is enough to make them feel good.
How to help a child develop good self-esteem
The child must be able to feel able to do things. For this, he must know that the effort is more important than the result, that it doesn’t matter if you succeed or fail, what matters is that you made an effort to get good results. When a child feels capable, he will be able to satisfy his needs and reach his goals.
The creation must match the needs and emotions of children
It is important that the upbringing corresponds to secure attachment, that it helps the child to feel dignified and secure at all times. Parents must be connected with the child even when he becomes independent. They should accept and affirm who the child is, respecting their needs and even respecting the most difficult moments, when children have mixed feelings.
All parents can find themselves at times when they must maintain a positive attitude in the face of a tantrum, a rebellious teenager or a ten-year-old who responds rudely… even if it sometimes seems like an impossible mission, since the temptation of ending that anger is more potent. But unconditional love for your child should drive you to act in a certain way, administering positive discipline so the children know you will be there for them no matter what.
With guidance and no punishment
Perhaps “no punishment” seems too unrealistic, but it is possible when positive discipline and the consequences agreed with children become reality. Children need limits because they cannot be allowed to run down the street or insult their father, but punishment undermines children’s self-esteem, so… what to do?
It is necessary to set limits through empathy and assertiveness, help children to learn to manage their emotions and therefore, to manage their behavior. In this way, children can see themselves as good people and capable of getting things done, something that will undoubtedly help them to increase their self-esteem.
On the other hand, punishment does not help children learn to manage their emotions. It only makes the situation worse and they will start to feel negative emotions like anger as they cannot control it. So, they believe they are bad people who are not able to control themselves. And that’s not true! They just need your help to improve their self-esteem radically.
