Happiness Is An Act Of Responsibility

The story says that Buddha was once asked what happiness is. He replied: happiness is the end of suffering. Therefore, in practical terms, according to Buddhism, happiness is experienced when we stop suffering. That simple.

For modern psychology, happiness is an act of responsibility. An adult’s happiness depends on no one but himself. Furthermore, it is not an emotional state that can be granted by another person or an object, because what we call happiness does not depend on anything that is outside, on the contrary, it is always inside of you.

Happiness depends on each of us, the decisions we make, the actions we do or don’t do, our ability to know ourselves, to forgive ourselves, and to know that we are safe. Nobody is perfect. Every human being, regardless of age, is a project under construction that has infinite possibilities to improve each day and, therefore, to be happy.

And what is it to be happy? This answer can vary greatly from person to person, however, psychologist María Elena Guzmán clarifies that being happy does not mean not having problems, but knowing how to deal with them.

Your happiness depends only on you

Whether adults believe it or not, happiness depends on you, on the construction that as adults we can build on the love, security and protection we receive in our lives and the emotional maturity we cultivate. This makes a difference for children, whose happiness depends on the care provided by their parents.

Unfortunately, as psychotherapist and maternity expert Laura Gutman says, as we receive little care in early childhood, it becomes more common for us as adults to place the supposed responsibility for our well-being or happiness on others.

The expert points out that this is a very frequent mistake in our relationships, which is usually evident when we pretend that our family, our friends or our partner feed our emotions or rather, make us happy, making them substitute mothers or fathers. When the truth is that feeding our emotions positively – or at least keeping toxic people away – is our absolute responsibility.

However, this confusion leads most adults to a frank state of emotional fragility, because when they are convinced that their happiness depends on the care they receive from others, they become stagnant as people and fail to cultivate as individuals and improve their emotional capabilities and skills.

And the worst thing about being immersed in this way of thinking is that established relationships tend to be dependent and the person becomes tense when the other, usually the partner, shifts their focus of attention to some personal interest. So, we panic and often start calling that person’s attention, manipulating them, lying to them, or misrepresenting reality.

It is true that we often do this without bad intentions and even without realizing it, but it is precisely these types of acts that explain our lack of emotional maturity, as we drag other people into our little emotional chaos.

This kind of choice or behavior is common in people who are trapped in the fear of being abandoned, who constantly feel that their relationships are in danger. However, this situation can change when we become aware of our wounds, which must remain in the past.

Taking responsibility for ourselves makes a difference

We need to be aware of our own actions and each of our thoughts. Only then can we free ourselves from the past and take responsibility for our here and now. Become aware that, regardless of any past suffering, it is vital to understand that pleasure, conscious choices and what you think is happiness can be achieved with your choices, your willpower and your willingness to mature emotionally.

It is very, very important that, as a mother, you understand that your happiness does not depend on anyone, not even that person who confesses to be madly in love with you.

And that’s true, because even you – no matter how hard you try – can make anyone else happy besides yourself.

On the other hand, sharing life’s moments, helping others to overcome certain difficulties and accompanying the lives of those we love is another story and is part of what brings color to our existence. And that’s very different from taking control of another adult’s emotions or putting the burden of making ourselves happy on someone else, which doesn’t belong to anyone but ourselves.