5 Consequences Of Permissiveness
Raising children with excessive permissiveness can lead, in the long run, to low self-esteem and the feeling of being unloved.
What is it to be permissive? According to the dictionary of the Royal Spanish Academy, permissiveness means excessive tolerance. Thus, permissiveness, a trait that characterizes the personality of some parents, allows children to grow up without clear rules and end up feeling confused and unhappy.
One of the consequences of parents’ permissiveness is that their children become spoiled children, used to manipulating the people around them. But above all, the worst of the consequences of permissiveness is that in the long run it makes children feel lost and unloved.
This is because children expect their parents to guide and teach them. Therefore, allowing everything makes the little ones feel that no one pays attention to them. This creates a very low self-esteem.
Permissiveness causes harm
This damage, caused by not setting limits, is the result of the lack of tools that some parents have to impose discipline in a balanced way.
Permissiveness – or the lack of clear rules – is a behavior that Carlos González, author of the book “ Bésame Mucho: how to raise your children with love” , exemplifies as follows:
Consequences of Permissiveness
behavior problems
One of the most serious consequences of permissiveness in parenting is the development of behavioral problems by children. This is – we insist – a direct result of not having established norms and limits early on.
Low self esteem
The abuse of freedom and the lack of limits and normality, in addition to the absence of a healthy relationship with children, based on respect and understanding of the child as a human being, can bring consequences such as low self-esteem.
Laziness
The lack of clear rules and routines results in the creation of children who become people unaware of their responsibilities and, therefore, encourage the bad habit of procrastination and laziness.
Not knowing how to solve one’s own problems
Excessive permissiveness, in many cases, leads children to not learn to develop the social and emotional skills necessary to solve problems independently.
Some of these skills are gained by stimulating emotional intelligence. For this, parental guidance is indisputably necessary.
impulsivity
As can be seen, the lack of clear norms has very negative consequences for children. Permissiveness encourages an immature and uncontrolled impulsive personality.
The importance of balancing authoritarianism and permissiveness
In his text, González also asks the reader the following question: What does it take to be “firm”? He explains that being firm doesn’t mean being authoritarian. Far from it. To grow up healthily, a child needs parents who respect him, treat him like a child (not a precocious adult) and teach him how to deal with this world.
And, certainly, in order to deal with this world in a healthy way, it is necessary to learn to dialogue and reach agreements, but also learn to consciously follow and respect rules, not out of fear of consequences. In addition, it is important for parents to know that house rules are not to be negotiated at the will of the parents or children. In this respect, the key is to be consistent.
Some tips for keeping your balance
No parent in the world deliberately wants to harm their children. However, unconsciously many confuse their love for their children with giving in to their whims. Ideally, parents should decide fairly what is good for the child and what is not. In this way, children will better understand how to regulate their behavior.
Furthermore, having parents who know how to teach discipline in a respectful way makes children see them as a healthy reference of authority and values. Most nurturing experts agree that norms and limits, far from being negative, are absolutely necessary, as they are a tool that helps children understand that actions have consequences.
It is vital that parents are able to establish clear and opportune boundaries for their children, that the rules of the home are discussed by the couple so that they are coherent and that they are dictated in a respectful way towards the children.
Following these recommendations and delving into them with the help of your partner or an expert can help keep your family isolated from the dire consequences of permissiveness.
It’s very important that, as a parent, you make sure that you or your partner have an obsession with giving your kids everything you didn’t have when you were kids. If that’s the case, work this issue out with some therapy. Offering amenities to children is not wrong. However, all people must cultivate the achievement of merit, that is, strive to achieve their own goals and privileges.
